When I Lost My Voice
When I was a very young therapist, I lost my voice. Literally.
At times, I could not speak — especially when sharing something personal. Eventually, it worsened to the point where I struggled to respond to clients in session. I felt humiliated and broken. I left my master’s program, convinced something was deeply wrong with me.
Years later, as a trauma-informed therapist, I finally understood what had happened.
My nervous system had learned a painful truth — silence keeps you safe.
After years of being dismissed, questioned, ignored, and punished for speaking up, my body adapted. Over time, this became a body memory. My nervous system responded to threats exactly as it was designed to — by protecting me. It wasn’t weakness; it was a veil of protection.
The message was clear:
Being small and quite brings safety.
Being seen, heard and present makes you a target-ride, hide, be quiet!
It was a classic fawn or freeze response, this time with the plot twist of the therapist in the room experiencing the crises.
The Spiritual Wound
Slowly, my voice returned. One sound bite at a time.
I had to face an ugly truth: I had sustained a substantial spiritual wound. It was so vulnerable and intimate that my body physically shut down to survive. The healing would need to be as intentional as the wounding before I could feel balanced and safe in my body again.
Neuroplasticity teaches us what we can learn, we can unlearn. The brain can heal.
But the medicine was bitter. I had to feel safe before I could fully express myself again. I had to stabilize the external, before I could express the internal- an irony so thick you could choke-literally.
Today I embrace the gift of my voice.
I had to heal, to understand healing.
What Is Spiritual Trauma?
For many, churches and faith communities are meant to be places of comfort and refuge. But for some survivors of abuse, seeking help there leads to spiritual trauma—where the very systems meant to protect instead silence, shame, or retraumatize.
Spiritual trauma occurs when religion or faith-based institutions, intentionally or not, inflict harm on those who are already hurting.
It may look like:
- Being blamed for abuse or told it was “a test of faith”
- Experiencing shame or ostracization after speaking up
- Having abuse minimized or covered up by leadership
- Struggling with guilt, self-doubt, or fear that your spiritual identity is flawed
These experiences can shake your core beliefs, leaving you feeling lost, unworthy, or disconnected—not just from the faith community, but from yourself. Survivors may carry a heavy burden of confusion, grief, and anxiety, wondering if they will ever find safety and trust again.
Spiritual Trauma Often Lives in Paradox
One of the most confusing and painful aspects of spiritual trauma is the dual nature of faith itself.
The scripture, rituals, or community that once brought comfort may still feel meaningful. Yet those same teachings may also carry memories of control, dismissal, or harm. What once felt safe can now feel activating.
- Scripture that once comforted now triggers
- Creeds that promised safety were used to control
- Faith feels both healing and wounding
This emotional paradox can create deep internal conflict — longing for comfort while feeling anger, grief, or fear about what faith has cost you.
These mixed emotions are not hypocrisy. They are human. Naming the paradox is often a powerful step toward healing.
Healing Is Possible
Even though the systems you relied on may have failed you, recovery and spiritual reconciliation are possible. Healing doesn’t have to mean abandoning your faith—unless that is your choice—but rather reclaiming your sense of safety, agency, and voice.
Here are some ways to begin the healing process:
Seek trauma-informed mental health support
Working with a clinician trained in trauma and spiritual abuse can help you process experiences safely and without judgment.
Find supportive communities
Surround yourself with people who validate your experiences. Survivor groups, online forums, or organizations focused on spiritual trauma provide understanding, shared experiences, and practical guidance for recovery.
Set healthy boundaries
You have the right to protect your emotional and spiritual well-being. This might mean limiting contact with harmful leaders or members, declining certain spiritual obligations, or creating space to process your experiences before engaging further.
Reclaim spiritual on your terms
This may mean redefining what faith looks like for you — or stepping away while you heal.
Healing is rarely linear. There may be seasons of anger, grief, clarity, and longing. What matters most is that the process is yours.
EMDR and Spiritual Trauma
For many survivors, traditional talk therapy may not be enough to fully process the deep layers of trauma.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is an evidence-based therapy designed to help the brain process traumatic memories safely.
In EMDR therapy we:
- Reduce the intensity of painful memories and triggers.
- Help reframe negative beliefs about yourself that stem from spiritual trauma.
- Support the rebuilding of self-trust and empowerment.
When combined with trauma-informed support and safe communities, EMDR therapy can help survivors reclaim their voice, restore emotional balance, and reconnect with a sense of safety and agency.
Your Voice Matters
Today I realize I wasn’t faulty or broken, I was critically injured. My nervous system answered the call for protection. I embrace my voice fully today (sometimes to the dismay of my children!)
What a gift telling the story of survival has been for me. In using my voice, it’s a call to the fellow wounded- we don’t heal in silence, we heal in support.
Your voice matters.
You deserve to be believed.
Healing is possible.
What was learned in survival can be unlearned in safety.
— B. Lynette Howard, MS, LPC
Resources You Can Turn To
Even if your faith community failed you, these resources can help you find safe, validating spaces to heal.
Finding the right support can make all the difference. Here are some organizations and resources tailored to survivors of abuse in spiritual settings:
- RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE
- FaithTrust Institute: Provides guidance for survivors of abuse in faith communities
- Pandora’s Project: Offers peer support and resources for survivors of sexual abuse
Lynette Howard is a Licensed Professional Counselor at EMDR Transformations Counseling. She specializes in working with high-achieving adults and teens navigating anxiety, burnout, people-pleasing patterns, and life transitions, using EMDR therapy to support lasting healing. Lynette is dedicated to helping clients slow down, reconnect with themselves, and build self-trust in a warm, collaborative, and judgment-free space.
At EMDR Transformations Counseling, our team specializes in trauma-focused EMDR therapy, offering individual, couples, and family therapy. We also provide specialized services for first responders, creating a compassionate and supportive environment where clients can heal, grow, and achieve lasting change. Each therapist at ETC is dedicated to empowering clients to overcome challenges and move forward with confidence.
