What Is Self-Care, Really?

Self-care goes beyond occasional relaxation. It involves intentionally taking time to support your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. True self-care helps you perform better, think more clearly, and feel stronger in your daily life. It’s not selfish. It’s essential to maintain balance and overall health.

Why Massage Therapy Matters

Massage therapy is more than just a way to relax. It can be an important form of maintenance for your body. Just like you maintain your car or your home, your body needs regular care in order to function at its best.

Consistent massage therapy can help:

• Reduce muscle tension and pain
• Improve circulation and recovery
• Decrease stress and anxiety
• Increase mobility and flexibility
• Support better sleep

Over time, these benefits can build on each other, helping you feel better and function at a higher level in your everyday life.

Prevention Over Correction

Most people wait until they are in pain before seeking help. In reality, by the time pain appears, your body has often been compensating for weeks or even months. Muscle tension, poor posture, and stress can gradually build up before noticeable discomfort begins.

Regular massage therapy can help prevent issues before they become more serious. It supports muscle balance, reduces strain on joints, and allows your body to move more naturally and comfortably.

The Mind-Body Connection

Stress does not just live in your mind. It often shows up physically in the body such as tight shoulders, headaches, lower back pain, or ongoing fatigue. Many people carry stress in their muscles without realizing how much it impacts their overall well-being.

Massage therapy can help calm your nervous system and encourage your body to move out of a stress response. This allows the body to shift from a state of tension into a state of rest and recovery, where healing and restoration can occur.

Make It Part of Your Lifestyle

Self-care is not something you do once in a while. It is something that becomes part of your routine over time. Whether it’s once a week, biweekly, or monthly, consistency plays an important role in supporting long-term wellness.

Self-care can also look different for everyone. For some people it may include movement, mindfulness practices, therapy, or spending time outdoors. For others, it may involve scheduling regular massage therapy to help manage physical tension and stress. The most important part of self-care is consistency and choosing practices that support both your body and your emotional well-being over time.

When you commit to taking care of your body, many areas of life can improve. Energy levels often increase, focus becomes clearer, and daily activities may feel easier and more manageable.

You do not have to wait until something feels wrong. Taking care of your body now can support your health and well-being for years to come.

Invest in Yourself

Massage therapy is not simply an expense. It is an investment in your health, your well-being, and your quality of life. When you prioritize caring for your body, you create more opportunities to feel better, move more comfortably, and live a more balanced life.

Boyd Strohlin is our Licensed Massage Therapist at EMDR Transformations Counseling. He specializes in deep tissue massage, myofascial release, and relaxation therapy, and works with a wide range of clients including athletes, first responders, and busy parents. Boyd is dedicated to helping people reduce stress, release chronic tension, and feel more balanced and comfortable in their bodies.

At EMDR Transformations Counseling, we offer a holistic range of services to support both mental and physical well-being. Our team provides counseling, trauma-focused EMDR therapy, massage therapy, psychiatric support, and nutritional guidance, creating a compassionate environment where clients can heal, grow, and move forward with confidence.

 The calendar flips. Champagne pops. Someone posts “This is my year.”
And quietly—maybe painfully—you notice the same fears, urges, or habits tagging along into January like an unwanted plus-one.

If you struggle with phobias (flying, driving, medical procedures, panic-triggering situations) or process and substance addictions (alcohol, nicotine, food, gambling, scrolling-your-life-away), you’re not weak, broken, or lacking willpower. You’re human—and your nervous system is doing exactly what it learned to do to survive.

New Year’s resolutions often fail because they aim at behavior instead of the brain networks underneath it. That’s where EMDR therapy and EMDR-VR (Virtual Reality–assisted therapy) come in. This work doesn’t rely on motivation alone—it helps your brain finally let go.

Why Willpower Isn’t the Problem (And Never Was)

 Phobias and addictions live in the same neighborhood of the brain: the survival system.

When your nervous system perceives threat—real or remembered—it prioritizes:

• Avoidance (phobias)
• Relief-seeking (addictive behaviors)
• Repetition of what once worked, even if it now causes harm

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy works by helping the brain reprocess stuck memories, sensations, urges, and emotional loops, so they no longer fire like present-day emergencies.

Instead of:

“I know this doesn’t make sense, but my body panics anyway.”

Clients often reach:

“I remember it—but it doesn’t run me anymore.”

That’s not positive thinking. That’s a neurobiological change.

How EMDR Helps Phobias and Addictions at the Root

 EMDR doesn’t just ask “Why do you do this?”
It asks, “When did your nervous system learn this was necessary?”

For phobias, EMDR targets:

• Early panic experiences
• Conditioning events (even subtle ones)
• Body sensations tied to fear
• Anticipatory anxiety loops

For addictions and compulsive behaviors, EMDR addresses:

• Urge memory networks
• Emotional triggers (stress, shame, loneliness)
• Relief-based learning (“this takes the edge off”)
• Trauma or attachment wounds driving escape

Instead of white-knuckling urges, EMDR helps reduce the intensity and frequency of cravings themselves. Many clients are surprised to discover that once the underlying network is processed, the behavior loses its grip.

Less fighting. More freedom.

What Makes EMDR-VR Different (And Powerful)

Virtual Reality therapy allows us to gently and safely activate triggers in ways that traditional talk therapy can’t always access.

In EMDR-VR, we can:

• Simulate feared situations (flying, heights, driving, crowds)
• Evoke real-time sensations while staying grounded
• Pair bilateral stimulation with controlled exposure
• Help the brain relearn safety faster and more efficiently

The result? Your nervous system practices success instead of survival.

This approach is especially helpful if:

• Your fear feels “irrational” but overwhelming
• Talking about it doesn’t touch the body response
• You avoid situations entirely—or numb out instead
• You’ve tried exposure before, and it felt too intense

EMDR-VR allows for precision, pacing, and choice—not overwhelm.

Why the New Year Is Actually the Perfect Time for This Work

 January isn’t magical—but it is symbolic. It’s a pause point. A moment when your brain is already scanning for change.

Instead of asking, “How do I stop doing this?”

A more powerful New Year question is, “What does my nervous system need to finally feel safe without this?”

EMDR and EMDR-VR don’t rely on motivation spikes that fade by February. They help create lasting internal shifts—so change doesn’t require constant effort.

You don’t become someone with “better discipline.”
You become someone whose brain no longer needs the old coping strategy.

That’s real resolution.

Your Takeaway (And Next Step)

If phobias or addictive patterns keep following you into each new year, it’s not because you haven’t tried hard enough. It’s because your brain hasn’t had the chance to fully process and release what’s driving them.

EMDR and Virtual Reality–assisted therapy offers a way forward that is:

• Evidence-based
• Body-informed
• Trauma-aware
• And surprisingly gentle

This year doesn’t need more pressure.
It needs new neural pathways.

And those are possible.

Andi White is an LPC, trauma specialist, and a certified EMDR therapist at EMDR Transformations Counseling. She specializes in working with individuals from all walks of life, including those experiencing trauma, anxiety, depression, grief, and substance use. She also works with first responders and military personnel. Known for her down-to-earth style and sense of humor, she creates a warm, collaborative space where clients feel safe, seen, and supported. She’s passionate about helping people not just heal, but truly thrive and live fuller, more joyful lives.

 At ETC, Andi and her team offer trauma-focused EMDR therapy for individuals, couples, and families, as well as specialized services for first responders. They provide a compassionate and supportive environment where clients can heal, grow, and achieve lasting change.

Maybe it’s the parent who works two jobs, picks up their kids from school, throws together dinner, and still finds a way to show their family love. Maybe it’s the person who gets out of bed despite feeling overwhelmed. Maybe it’s you. What if I told you that every one of us has the capacity for resilience — even if it doesn’t feel like it?

When hard things happen, it’s natural to want to shut down, give up, or hide. When we feel like we’ve lost control, our mind can become the only place where change is possible — and that’s where resilience begins.

Resilience Isn’t Magic — It’s Built

Resilience grows from strengthening your mental, physical, and social well-being.
It looks like nurturing supportive relationships, taking care of your body, developing problem-solving and stress-management skills, and maintaining a hopeful mindset.

That all sounds great on paper… but it can feel impossible when you’re struggling. So let’s make it simpler.

You Can Grow From What Hurt You

It may not feel like it, but your trauma can become the foundation for your growth. If you’re reading this blog, you’re already taking the first step: getting connected. Building strong, healthy relationships and surrounding yourself with a support system is essential. Whether that’s volunteering, joining a group, practicing your faith, or connecting with people who fill your cup — support matters.

EMDR therapy is an evidence-based trauma treatment that helps the brain safely reprocess painful memories so they no longer feel overwhelming. Through bilateral stimulation, EMDR supports the nervous system in moving out of survival mode and into a sense of safety and stability. For many people, EMDR makes healing feel less overwhelming and more accessible.

Find Meaning in the Smallest Steps

Some days are heavy. Some days the win is simply getting out of bed, taking a shower, or brushing your teeth. Let those small moments count. Give yourself something — anything — that provides a sense of purpose and progress. Set small, clear goals. Break big dreams into tiny, manageable pieces.

You don’t have to climb the whole mountain today. You know the saying: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

 Learn From Your Past

We all have moments that shaped who we are. Take time to reflect on how you’ve coped during difficult seasons in the past. What helped you push through? What patterns do you notice?

Journaling can be a powerful way to see how far you’ve come. Even if you felt like you were failing at the time, you’re here today — which means you made it. Something in you carried you forward. EMDR therapy helps reprocess distressing memories so your past no longer feels like it controls your present. Instead of reliving pain, many people begin to feel more grounded, empowered, and in control of their emotional responses.

Stay Open to Hope

Hope is a crucial part of resilience. You can’t change your past, but you can look toward a future with possibility. Some days you won’t feel hopeful. Other days getting out of bed will be the hardest thing you do.

Even on the hardest days, hold onto that one spark — the thing, person, dream, or value that keeps you going.

 Care for Yourself Like You Matter (Because You Do)

Self-care isn’t indulgent — it’s maintenance for your well-being. It can look like moving your body gently, creating consistent routines, prioritizing sleep, and eating foods that support your body and mind. It also means learning to set boundaries, practicing stress-reduction techniques, and giving yourself permission to rest.

Tending to your needs is not selfish. It’s one of the strongest forms of resilience.

 Take Action — Even Small Action

Don’t ignore your problems or hope they disappear. Instead, decide what you need, make a plan, and take the next small step. EMDR therapy offers a gentle, structured way to heal from trauma while building resilience in a way that feels safe and supported. Healing from trauma, loss, or setbacks takes time — but things really can get better if you work at it.

You don’t have to do it alone. Reaching out for therapy can be a powerful part of the process, offering support, clarity, and guidance as you build your resilience. Because resilience isn’t just something you’re born with. It’s something you build — one small, brave step at a time.

Elijah Palles is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and trauma-informed therapist at EMDR Transformations Counseling. He specializes in EMDR therapy and supporting adults and couples, including military personnel, first responders, neurodivergent individuals, and those navigating complex life challenges. He is dedicated to creating a safe, affirming space where clients can show up fully as themselves and heal without judgment.

 At EMDR Transformations Counseling, our team specializes in trauma-focused EMDR therapy, offering individual, couples, and family therapy. We also provide specialized services for first responders, creating a compassionate and supportive environment where clients can heal, grow, and achieve lasting change. Each therapist at ETC is dedicated to empowering clients to overcome challenges and move forward with confidence.

While some look forward to gatherings and traditions, others quietly brace themselves. The pressure to feel cheerful can make it even harder when your reality looks different. Stress, anxiety, grief, loneliness, or old memories may surface more strongly during the holidays — sometimes without warning.

It’s completely valid if this season brings more weight than warmth. Many people feel triggered by traditions, family expectations, or reminders of what (or who) is missing. The holidays have a way of stirring emotions we thought we had buried or outgrown and navigating those feelings can be difficult.

Why the Holidays Can Stir Up Big Emotions

The holiday season can reopen emotional wounds or highlight stressors you’ve managed throughout the year. For some, it means navigating complicated family relationships. For others, it brings up grief — whether recent or long-standing. And for many, the constant message that you “should” feel joyful creates pressure that intensifies anxiety or self-doubt.

These emotional shifts can show up in different ways. You might notice stress building more quickly, sadness settling more deeply, or old memories resurfacing at unexpected moments. Family dynamics may feel more triggering than usual, and physical or emotional exhaustion can make everything feel heavier.

If this connects with you, you’re not alone. Your emotions have a reason, and they matter.

How EMDR Can Support You During the Holidays

You don’t have to continue moving through the holidays feeling overwhelmed or disconnected. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy can help shift how your brain responds to memories and triggers, allowing you to feel more grounded and emotionally supported throughout the season.

EMDR therapy works by using bilateral stimulation (like eye movements) to help your brain process painful memories that get activated during stressful times. Instead of feeling stuck in old patterns or reactive to familiar triggers, EMDR therapy helps the nervous system relax and respond from a calmer, safer place.

For many people, EMDR therapy:

• Reduces emotional reactivity around family gatherings
• Helps ease grief or sadness that resurfaces this time of year
• Supports healthier boundaries and self-awareness
• Creates more internal space to enjoy moments that truly matter

EMDR therapy doesn’t force holiday cheer — it helps you access genuine peace.

Caring for Yourself During the Holiday Season

Even if this season feels difficult, there are ways to support yourself gently and intentionally. Small practices can help you stay regulated, grounded, and emotionally prepared.

Ways to care for yourself this holiday season:

• Set realistic expectations. Allow yourself to decide what feels manageable — and what doesn’t.
• Build in moments of rest. Step away when things feel overstimulating. Even a few quiet minutes can help reset your system.
• Use grounding techniques. Deep breathing, sensory grounding, and mindfulness can help anchor you in the present.
• Stay connected to supportive people. Reach out to those who feel safe, comforting, and genuine.
• Honor your limits. It’s okay to decline invitations or modify traditions to protect your well-being.

Caring for yourself emotionally and physically is not selfish. It’s essential.

You Deserve Peace This Holiday Season

If the holidays feel heavy, painful, or overwhelming, please remember that you are not alone. Many people struggle silently during this time of year, and there is nothing wrong with needing extra support. You deserve a holiday season that feels safe, calm, and emotionally manageable.

Healing is possible, and your experience matters. Whether you’re navigating grief, anxiety, family stress, or simply feeling exhausted by the expectations of the season, there is support available.

Our team at EMDR Transformations Counseling is here when you’re ready. We would be honored to help you find grounding, clarity, and peace — not just during the holidays, but throughout your healing journey.

Alexa Handeland is a member of the Client Care team at EMDR Transformations Counseling. She is often one of the first points of contact for clients, helping with scheduling, answering questions, and ensuring that each person’s experience feels welcoming and supported from the very beginning. As a psychology student at Arizona State University, Alexa is passionate about mental health and dedicated to creating a warm, approachable environment where clients feel seen and cared for.

At EMDR Transformations Counseling, our team specializes in trauma-focused EMDR therapy, offering individual, couples, and family therapy, and specialized services for first responders. They provide a compassionate and supportive environment where clients can heal, grow, and achieve lasting change.

Finding Gratitude in the Season of Change

As the crisp November air settles in, we at EMDR Transformations Counseling invite you to take a moment to pause and reflect on the power of gratitude, especially in the spirit of Thanksgiving. This season offers a meaningful opportunity to nurture emotional wellness by acknowledging the moments, people, and experiences that bring light to our lives.

For many, however, gratitude can feel challenging amidst life’s struggles, especially when pain or trauma still lingers beneath the surface. When life feels heavy, gratitude might seem out of reach. If you find it hard to feel thankful this season, you are not alone.

Healing Through EMDR Therapy

Sometimes, the pressure to “be grateful” can make emotional wounds feel heavier. This does not mean you are ungrateful—it simply means your mind and body may still be holding onto pain that has not been fully processed.

That is where EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy can help. EMDR is an evidence-based therapy that helps your brain reprocess difficult experiences, so they no longer carry the same emotional weight. As those memories lose their intensity, the nervous system can finally rest. EMDR therapy can help process lingering pain or trauma, allowing space for renewed hope and appreciation.

At EMDR Transformations Counseling, our trauma-informed therapists provide a compassionate, supportive space where healing unfolds at your own pace. By addressing emotional barriers, we empower you to cultivate a deeper sense of connection and peace, making this Thanksgiving a time of true emotional transformation.

Honoring Veterans and Their Healing Journeys

This November, we also take time to honor and thank our veterans. In recognition of Veterans Day, we extend our heartfelt gratitude to those who have served and continue to carry the weight of their experiences.

For many veterans, EMDR therapy offers a powerful path to relief from PTSD, anxiety, or unresolved trauma. By helping the brain safely process distressing memories, EMDR supports emotional balance, resilience, and renewed connection—to self, loved ones, and life beyond service.

Our compassionate team is dedicated to supporting veterans in reclaiming their inner strength and finding balance. Whether through EMDR therapy, collaborative treatment, or compassionate connection, we are here to walk with you on your healing journey.

Closing Reflections: Gratitude as Healing

As we move through November and to the end of the year, take a moment to honor your own growth. Healing and gratitude often go hand in hand—both invite you to slow down, notice progress, and reconnect with what truly matters. Whether this month finds you focusing on recovery, connection, or simple moments of peace, know that each step toward awareness is a step toward transformation.

This November, whether you are focusing on gratitude or healing, EMDR Transformations Counseling is here to guide you toward a brighter, more grounded future. Let us make this month a time to honor both our personal journeys and those who have served.

Angela Phillips is an LMFT and EMDR certified therapist at EMDR Transformations Counseling. She specializes in EMDR, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, ACT, CBT, and DBT, supporting individuals, couples, children, teens, and first responders. She is dedicated to creating a safe and supportive space where clients can explore their experiences, build resilience, and heal through empathy, collaboration, and self-discovery. Her passion lies in helping people connect with their inherent strength and move toward lasting transformation and well-being.

At EMDR Transformations Counseling, Angela and her team specialize in trauma-focused EMDR therapy, offering individual, couples, and family therapy, and specialized services for first responders. They provide a compassionate and supportive environment where clients can heal, grow, and achieve lasting change.

Feeling guilty? You’re definitely not alone. Studies show that about 80% of resolutions fail by February (University of Scranton, 2016). So, what’s going wrong? And, more importantly, how can you break this cycle and actually succeed this year? Let’s take a deeper look at why resolutions fail, and what you can do to make them stick.

Reason #1: Overachieving Overwhelm

“I’m going to exercise every day, cook every meal from scratch, meditate for an hour, and start a side hustle!” Hold up, WonderHuman. It’s tempting to go all-in, but setting too many ambitious goals at once is like trying to juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle—you’re only setting yourself up for burnout. When we try to do everything at once, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and end up doing nothing at all.

The Fix: Start small. Behavioral psychology teaches us that incremental changes are more sustainable than massive overhauls. Instead of committing to a daily workout routine, aim for three days a week. Rather than cutting out sugar entirely (which, let’s be real, is a tough one), try reducing your soda or dessert portions. Focus on one or two resolutions at a time instead of a laundry list of goals. By narrowing your focus, you give yourself a better chance of succeeding. Celebrate your small wins—whether it’s sticking to your workout schedule or cooking a meal from scratch on a weeknight. These small victories build momentum and lay the foundation for bigger changes.

Reason #2: Vague Goals

“I’m going to get healthy this year!” Sounds good, but what does that really mean? Does it mean eating more vegetables? Getting more sleep? Avoiding junk food after 8 PM? Without specific action steps, resolutions can feel as flimsy as a snowflake in the sun, and the chances of success dwindle quickly.

The Fix: Make your goals SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. For example, instead of “get healthy,” which sounds like something a Magic 8-Ball would suggest, you could say, “I will walk 30 minutes a day, three times a week, for the next month.” This is clear, measurable, and actionable. Breaking down large goals into smaller, concrete steps makes them more achievable. You’ll feel more motivated when you can see tangible progress along the way.

Reason #3: Relying on Motivation Alone

Motivation is like a good Wi-Fi signal—strong at first, but prone to fading just when you need it most. Willpower alone isn’t enough to keep you on track when the excitement of New Year’s fades. By February, the motivational pep talks of “New Year, New Me!” are drowned out by your warm, cozy bed calling your name.

The Fix: Build habits and systems. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, suggests shifting the focus from motivation to habit-building. Instead of simply wanting to “get fit,” aim to become the kind of person who works out regularly. Pair new habits with existing ones (e.g., “I’ll floss after brushing my teeth”) or make tasks easier to start (e.g., “I’ll lay out my workout clothes the night before”). Over time, these actions will feel like part of your routine rather than a forced effort. Focus on the process, not just the goal, and you’ll be more likely to stick with it.

Reason #4: Flying Solo

Accountability is like having a gym buddy who actually makes you show up for spin class instead of “accidentally” sleeping through it. Trying to tackle a big goal alone makes it easier to rationalize skipping a day—or a week—and eventually abandoning the resolution altogether.

The Fix: Find your people. Share your goals with friends, join a group with similar aspirations, or use apps like Habitica or Strava to track progress and stay accountable. When you have someone to check in with or a community to support you, it’s much harder to let your goals slip. Plus, the shared experience of facing challenges together can create a sense of camaraderie and even be fun. It’s easier to stick with a goal when others are in it with you, cheering you on along the way.

Reason #5: The All-or-Nothing Trap

Missed a workout? Skipped journaling? Many people throw in the towel at the first slip-up, convinced they’ve failed. But here’s the truth: progress isn’t about perfection. It’s about resilience and learning from mistakes.

The Fix: Practice self-compassion. Research by Dr. Kristin Neff shows that being kind to yourself rather than self-critical is essential for long-term success. When you slip up, don’t beat yourself up—simply assess what went wrong and how you can adjust your approach moving forward. Think of setbacks as valuable data, not disasters. Resilience is about getting back on track and continuing forward, not about being perfect all the time. Celebrate your perseverance and learn from your mistakes rather than focusing on the perceived failure.

Bonus: Resolutions for Mental Health

If the idea of traditional resolutions feels overwhelming, why not make your mental health a priority? Focus on self-care and simple, achievable goals that bring joy and well-being to your life. Here are a few ideas to consider for a healthier, happier year:

1. Prioritize Self-Care: Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and spa days (though those are great too). It’s about taking time for yourself to recharge—whether that means journaling, enjoying a cup of tea, or taking a guilt-free nap in the afternoon.
   Pro Tip: Start small. This week, commit to doing one thing just for you—no work, no chores, and no emails.
2. Practice Gratitude: Keep a gratitude journal where you write down simple things that bring you joy or comfort, like a warm cup of coffee, or a good conversation. Studies show that regular gratitude practice can reduce stress and boost mental health.
   Pro Tip: Start with just three things you’re grateful for each day—don’t overthink it.
3. Strengthen Relationships: This year, aim to reconnect with friends and family. Respond to an old text, make a plan to meet for coffee, or just check in with a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while.
   Pro Tip: Start small. Respond to one overdue message every day. It’s about building consistent connections over time.
4. Set Healthy Boundaries: Say “no” when you need to. Practice setting boundaries with confidence—without guilt. Whether it’s turning down extra work or saying no to social plans you don’t have the energy for, your time and energy are precious.
   Pro Tip: Practice saying “no” with grace—no lengthy explanations necessary!
5. Seek Professional Help: Therapy isn’t about fixing what’s “broken”; it’s about providing the tools to navigate life more effectively. If you’ve been struggling, talking to a professional can help you feel more centered and equipped to tackle challenges.
   Pro Tip: Don’t worry about finding the “perfect” therapist. It’s more about finding someone who helps you grow.

Resources to Help You Achieve Your Goals

Books:

• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
• Self-Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff

Apps:

• Habitica (Gamifies your tasks)
• MyFitnessPal (Track meals and workouts)
• Calm or Headspace (For mindfulness and meditation)
• Strava (Fitness tracking with community support)

Websites:

• Verywell Mind (Evidence-based advice on personal growth)
• Psychology Today (Find therapists and goal-setting tips)

Final Thoughts

New Year’s resolutions don’t have to be a joke we all laugh about by March. With realistic goals, a little self-compassion, and sustainable systems, you can create habits that stick—and improve your mental health along the way. This year, let’s aim for a “New Year, Kinder Me” instead of “New Year, Same Me.” Small, consistent changes can lead to big, lasting impacts. And hey, even if you only stick to half your goals, that’s still progress worth celebrating! 🎉

So, what’s your resolution this year? Whatever it is, we’re rooting for you every step of the way!

Growing up, the holidays were so different. I was so excited to go to bed the night before Christmas, waking up to my family running to the living room to give thanks, spend time together, open presents, and spread laughter like it was contagious. As a kid, you don’t think about how things will change over the years, you only think about the joy you feel in the moment. The feeling was unmatched, everyone was happy, present, and alive.

Just when you think you have grief down pat, a song plays or a familiar face shows, and it quickly makes you realize that you don’t. The holiday season is often tied to feelings of love, togetherness, warmth, and excitement however, — it’s also a time that brings up loss, grief, and sadness. Whether you’ve lost a loved one recently, are facing the end of a relationship, or are struggling with any other form of loss, the pressure to “be happy” during the holidays can feel overwhelming.

Although grief can unexpectedly come in waves, it’s important to acknowledge that grief is a natural and personal experience, and there’s no “right” way to feel during this time. However, understanding how grief works and finding strategies to cope can help you navigate the season with a little more peace and kindness to ourselves and others.

The Five Stages of Grief.

Grief is a complex emotional experience that can take on many forms, and people often move through it in different ways. These stages can be helpful to understand, not as a strict roadmap, but as a way to recognize what you’re feeling:

Denial

During this stage, you might struggle to accept the reality of the loss. The holidays can make denial even more evident, as it’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy of what “should be” or what once was, especially with family traditions and expectations of celebration. You might feel numb or disconnected from the reality of your situation.

Anger

As the pain of the loss sets in, you might feel angry—angry at the person or situation that caused the loss, at others who seem unaffected, or even at yourself. The pressure to “move on” during the holiday season can amplify feelings of frustration and resentment, making it hard to enjoy anything when you’re in a state of emotional turmoil.

Bargaining

This stage involves a lot of “what if” and “if only” thinking. You might find yourself mentally negotiating for your loved one to come back or wishing things could have turned out differently. Around the holidays, this stage can be even more intense, as you may reflect on what could have been or how you could have done things differently to prevent the loss.

Depression

The weight of grief can feel heavy and relentless, and depression is a natural part of the grieving process. The holiday season often intensifies feelings of loneliness, sadness, or hopelessness. You might find yourself withdrawing from social events or struggling to muster up the energy to participate in holiday activities that once brought you happiness.

Acceptance

Over time, you may come to a place of acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting or not feeling sad, but it means acknowledging the reality of the situation and learning to live with it. The holidays may never feel the same, but over time, you may find new ways to honor your loss, create new memories, and celebrate in a way that feels authentic to where you are in your grief journey.

8 Ways to Survive the Season:

While there’s no way to erase grief, there are strategies that can help you cope with the intensity of the holiday season. Here are some ideas for surviving and even finding moments of peace despite the emotional challenges:

1. Acknowledge Your Grief. The first step in surviving the holidays while grieving is giving yourself permission to feel whatever you’re feeling. It’s okay if you don’t feel joyful or excited about the holiday season. Acknowledging your grief rather than forcing yourself to pretend that everything is fine can give you the space to process your emotions.
2. Set Boundaries. Grief can be exhausting, and the demands of the holidays can feel like too much. It’s okay to say no to events, gatherings, or even certain traditions that feel overwhelming. You don’t have to participate in every activity, and it’s important to honor your need for rest and space.
3. Create New Traditions. If old traditions are too painful, consider creating new ones. Whether it’s baking, making gingerbread houses, throwing a dance party, or a quiet evening of reflection, a small, intimate meal with close family or friends, doing something different can help ease the tension of the old expectations while still honoring your grief.
4. Honor Your Loved One. Finding ways to remember and honor the person you’ve lost can help you feel connected to them during this time. Whether it’s lighting a candle, exploring keepsakes, or simply sharing stories about them, these acts of remembrance can create a sense of peace and comfort.
5. Lean on Support. Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a support group who can offer empathy and understanding. Sometimes just talking about your feelings, or simply being with someone who understands, can help lift some of the weight.
6. Practice Self Compassion. The holidays can be a time when we feel pressured to “get over” our grief, but it’s important to treat yourself with kindness. Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and there’s no “correct” way to experience it. Allow yourself the grace to feel whatever emotions arise without judgment.
7. Focus on the Present. The holidays can be a time of reflecting on past memories and longing for things to be different. However, focusing on the present moment, even in small ways, can help alleviate some of the stress. Engaging in activities that bring you comfort—whether that’s a warm drink, burning candles, a favorite holiday movie, or a walk outside—can give you small moments of rest.
8. Consider Professional Support. Sometimes, the grief is too heavy to manage on your own. If you find that your grief is overwhelming or lasting longer than you expected, it may be helpful to seek the support of a therapist or counselor who can help you work through your emotions. Many therapists specialize in grief counseling and can offer guidance tailored to your specific situation.

Lastly, There’s No “Right Way” to Grieve.

The holidays can be a difficult time for anyone who is grieving, but it doesn’t have to be a test. By acknowledging your grief, setting boundaries, and finding ways to honor your loved ones, you can navigate this season with a sense of authenticity and self-compassion. Grief doesn’t disappear, but over time, with patience and care, you can find ways to incorporate both your pain and your memories into this season.

Remember, it’s okay to not be okay. The holiday season doesn’t have to look perfect, and your feelings are valid, no matter what stage of grief you’re in. Pay attention to your strong friends during this time. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are not alone in your journey.

1. Develop a Routine

Establishing a daily routine can provide structure and a sense of normalcy, which is especially important during times of mental distress. A well-balanced routine should include:

• Regular Sleep Schedule: Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night.
• Healthy Eating Habits: Eat balanced meals at consistent times.
• Physical Activity: Engage in regular exercise, such as walking, yoga, or gym workouts.
• Personal Time: Set aside time for hobbies and relaxation.

2. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation can help manage stress and improve emotional regulation. By focusing on the present moment, you can reduce the impact of negative thoughts and increase self-awareness. Start with short sessions (1 minute counts!) and gradually increase the duration as you become more comfortable with the practice. There are numerous apps and online resources to guide you through mindfulness and meditation exercises. I like the Headspace and Ten Percent apps!

3. Engage in Journaling

Journaling is a powerful tool for processing emotions and reflecting on your experiences. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide clarity, reduce stress, and help you track your progress over time. Try to journal regularly, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Focus on your thoughts, emotions, and any challenges you’re facing, as well as any positive experiences or accomplishments. Try to include a focus on things you’re grateful for or creating affirmations that you can practice throughout your day.

4. Utilize Coping Strategies

Therapists often provide coping strategies to manage anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. It’s important to practice these techniques outside of therapy to reinforce their effectiveness. Common coping strategies include:

• Deep Breathing Exercises: Practice deep breathing to calm your mind and body.
• Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense and relax different muscle groups starting from your toes and moving up each part of your to your head to reduce physical tension.
• Grounding Techniques: Use all of your senses to stay connected to the present moment and reduce feelings of dissociation or panic.

5. Build a Support Network

Having a strong support network can significantly impact your mental health. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups to share your experiences and seek advice. It’s essential to communicate openly about your needs and boundaries to create a supportive environment. Online communities and forums can also provide valuable support and connection.

6. Engage in Creative Activities

Creative activities, such as drawing, painting, or playing music, can be therapeutic and provide an outlet for self-expression. These activities can help reduce stress, improve mood, and enhance overall well-being. Don’t worry about the quality of your work; focus on the process and how it makes you feel.

7. Set Realistic Goals

Setting realistic and achievable goals can provide a sense of purpose and direction. Break down larger goals into smaller, manageable steps and celebrate your progress along the way. This approach can help build confidence and motivation, contributing to your overall mental health recovery.

8. Practice Self-Compassion

It’s important to be kind to yourself during your recovery journey. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, even if they seem small. Avoid self-criticism and recognize that setbacks are a natural part of the process. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend.

9. Seek Continuous Learning

Educate yourself about mental health by reading books, articles, or attending workshops and webinars. Understanding your situation or condition and learning about different treatment options can empower you to take control of your recovery. Knowledge can also reduce stigma and increase your ability to advocate for yourself. A great book to start with is What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry, Ph.D.

10. Maintain Open Communication with Your Therapist

Keep your therapist informed about your progress, challenges, and any new coping strategies you’re trying. This communication can help tailor your therapy sessions to better meet your needs and ensure you’re on the right track. Don’t hesitate to ask for additional resources or support if you need it.

Conclusion

Taking an active approach to your mental health recovery outside of therapy sessions is essential for long-term progress. By developing a routine, practicing mindfulness, journaling, utilizing coping strategies, building a support network, engaging in creative activities, setting realistic goals, practicing self-compassion, seeking continuous learning, and maintaining open communication with your therapist, you can create a holistic and supportive environment for yourself. Remember, recovery is a journey, and every step you take brings you closer to a healthier and more fulfilling life.

If you have any specific questions or need further guidance, feel free to reach out. Your mental health journey is unique, and finding the right combination of strategies and support is key to your success. 🦋